My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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