I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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