i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
