All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is my gift to your gina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
