I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
