I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
