I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
