you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
