I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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