if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
