Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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