so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
