Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize