i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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