I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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