would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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