she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize