i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize