i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
