So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
