dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
