We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
