Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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