The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
