I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
