omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
