guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
