fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In America we eat man semen.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
