dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
