I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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