Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
