threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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