then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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