Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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