Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
