I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
