By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
