The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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