God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
