Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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