That's intense
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
