I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I could make wine with my vomit
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
