So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
