remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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