they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize