remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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