You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I believe in your delicious
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
