In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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