I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
