just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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