Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
