Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
