Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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