you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
