Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
