I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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