Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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