So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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