We're facebook friends in real life
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
