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idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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