I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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