I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
