Please, let me fuck your mom
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
