I skipped work to stalk him.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And then he peed in my hair
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