Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
