Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
