That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
