he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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