Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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