In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
