You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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