I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want a musical about memes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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