never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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