Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
