and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
