How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
