Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
