I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
