bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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