I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
