The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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